Monday, February 21, 2011

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?


Sorry folks, it has been a while. There's no regular internet access at my house, and since Nate decided to break our garden faucet (it was an accident) and have no water to the house for a while, I'm at my folks.

But really, I wanted to be at home. I've started picking up more hours between my two jobs, so I've pretty much gone form a stay-at-home mom to a working mother. Sean is fine adjusting to it. He goes to Great-Grammys three days and to day care one day a week (and he loves it!) and is just happy as a clam. It's me who has been having a hard time.

First, there's the guilt of leaving Sean with someone else, feeling like I abandoned him, even when he's perfectly happy and loved by a family member looking after him. I know he is okay, but I feel like it's my job to stay home with him. Even back when I wasn't working so much, we talked about one day at day care so he could be around kids his age, but this is just a little more than I had ever thought. Maybe it's a mother thing. Sean is okay and will be okay and it won’t last forever. I just need to hug him more when I am home.

Next is, the house is a mess and I was hoping to tidy it up a bit. The clutter is a two fold issue: 1) I have a two year old, 2) I have ADD as a result of other illnesses that I fight, so that makes the cleaning part harder. "Okay lets vacuum. I'll just plug in the -OHHH! Shiny!!" So, what I tell people is this: Keeping a house clean when children are growing is like shoveling snow when it's still snowing." It's not filthy or unsafe; it's just harder to find cretin things. I'll live. So, that's okay that I didn't get to to that.

But still, at the end of the day, when I'm tired and my feet hurt, and I come home to my cluttered, falling apart house and see my lil' man snuggling his daddy with a puppy at their feet.... and I am happy.

OT: Just now, Sean came to find me. He was in the kitchen having a little snace and he came to find me in the office, and fed me a Wheat Check! I feel so loved!